We’re so excited to announce the latest addition to our stock: The Emperor’s New Mattress! An offering from 2 Swindlers Ltd., who first made their name creating beautiful clothes for royalty, the Emperor is one of the most luxurious mattresses money can buy. This mattress is so incredible, in fact, that apparently foolish people aren’t even able to see it! Unfortunately we can’t vouch for that, as of course all of us here at Mattressman can see it no problem.
We are truly ruined for all other mattresses.
Isn’t it remarkable? You can just see the skill that has gone into that stitching, the care that has been taken in the selection of each luxury component. And this mattress is so comfortable to lie on, moulding so perfectly to your contours, that if not for the fact that obviously you can see it right there in front of you, you’d almost think you were lying on nothing at all!
We were completely hooked the moment we heard the charming 2 Swindlers representative speak, as it quickly became clear that these guys really know their stuff. We’re far too smart to let an opportunity like this go, so we immediately ordered in several thousand units, pictured below in the brand new warehouse that we’ve had specially built to house them all. We’re sure this place will be empty again in no time, though, as the mattresses will soon be on their way to those discerning customers looking for quality so great it feels almost unreal!
A tight squeeze, but luckily all the mattresses fit!
The Emperor is easily the best made bed we’ve ever laid eyes on, and rest assured, we have most definitely laid eyes on it. As our very good friends at 2 Swindlers Ltd. are now far too busy with their next fantastic venture (genuine flying carpets!) to pick up the phone or reply to their emails or notice that their website has suddenly vanished without trace, we’d like to thank them here for giving us the opportunity to sell this magnificent mattress. Here’s to a long and happy partnership!
Labels: Just for fun